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ObsessiveRepulsive
Be the Ninja You cannot be the ninja because you are too busy being the shitty wannabe ninja. Your name is IJAAN NATAAK. You have a variety of INTERESTS. Chief among these is your fascination with TROLL PSYCHOLOGY. You love trying to GET INTO PEOPLE'S HEADS and see how they work. However, you are KIND OF SUCK AT THESE MINDGAMES, and so most people think you are a COMPLETE PIECE OF SHIT. You dream of one day entering the service of the ancient order of foul-mouthed spies, the HARASSASSINS. You possess AGILITY AND REFLEXES BORDERING ON THE SUPERTROLLISH, but you are also something of an ATTENTION-WHORE, and a VIOLENT SOCIOPATH. You have allocated your strife specibus to the HARASSASSIN weapon of choice, KNIFEKIND. Your blood is green, making your place on the hemospectrum ASTOUNDINGLY AVERAGE. However, you DO NOT GIVE A BULGE-BUCKLING FUCK ABOUT THAT SHIT. All trolls are EQUALLY INFERIOR TO YOU. Traits Aggressive: You do your best to solve most of your problems in the MOST STRAIGHTFORWARD MANNER POSSIBLE. Usually by way of a KNIFE THROUGH ITS RIBS. Athletic: You possess AGILITY and REFLEXES bordering on the supernatural. Clumsy: You tend to screw up most of your attempted NINJA-STUNTS, usually because you DO NOT TAKE THE TIME TO PLAN AHEAD. Mean: You consider yourself SUPERIOR TO PRETTY MUCH EVERYBODY, for no apparent reason. You also SWEAR LIBERALLY. Paranoid: Everyone is trying to show you up. Your lusus, your stemmates. ALL OF THEM. Examine Hive Your hive is somewhat SPARSELY DECORATED at the moment, because you did not carry much with you on the way to SWAMPSTEM. You have your RECUPERACOON, obviously, as well as your LAPTOP, and a DARTBOARD on the wall to practice THROWING KNIVES. Allocate Strife Specibus If you didn't have your trusty KNIFEKIND, you think you'd cut yourself. Examine Fetch Modus Okay, this is just about the shittiest modus you've ever seen. Good luck trying to get anything out of this in a hurry. The TWENTY QUESTIONS MODUS needs to ask you twenty YES-OR-NO QUESTIONS regarding the item you wish to remove, and if it's right, you get to remove the item. If it guesses wrong, SORRY BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME ASSHOLE. Psychic Abilities You have no PSYCHIC ABILITIES. PSYCHIC ABILITIES are lame crutches for whiny babies who crap themselves hard anyway. Physical Abilities You're pretty sure you already went over this. You have SUPERTROLLISH agility, though it is somewhat counterbalanced by your general INEPTITUDE. Examine Chumproll obliviousUltimatum: seems like kind of a tool... lifeformOstracized: i havent talked to this guy much...also seems like kind of a tool... nightmareFuel: okay this chick honestly scares the shit out of me... elementaryWattson: seems like kind of a dick...e*cept he did crack crazy blood bitchs skull open with a magnifyin glass...pretty cool i guess... bloodstainedRomanticist: none of your fuckin business... sagaciousCrusader: havent talked to him much...seems pretty okay i guess... suicidalHacker: douchebaaaaaaag... earthsAbettor: this blackrom shit shes got goin for sh is an unsavory fuckin thing to behold...i dont get what she even sees in him hes not even a fuckin challenge... warmLover: dead...dibs on his computer...